


the downfalls of holly

by sunflower_8



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Angst, Complicated Relationships, Mental Instability, Multi, Suicidal Thoughts, Terminal Illnesses, Unresolved Emotional Tension, also a vent maybe lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:59:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24901192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflower_8/pseuds/sunflower_8
Summary: by the end of the process, hinata is tired.but he cannot sleep.and from the bed, komaeda speaks an echo, “we can’t do this for much longer.”(or, hinata thinks about sleep and how to fix the cracks in his relationship)
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito/Nanami Chiaki
Comments: 3
Kudos: 56





	the downfalls of holly

the second komaeda makes the bed, nanami falls asleep in it.

that’s the way it is. 

she drags komaeda into it, too, nestles against his chest that is likely too thin to be comfortable, but what he lacks in comfort he makes up for in eagerness, holding her tightly and stroking her hair. she is soft where he is hard, and they don’t quite fit together as two halves but they are there regardless. sitting there, quiet, steady breaths and restless, almost agitated eyes-- it’s a ritual that komaeda worships with feverence and nanami views with security.

the third of them exhibits hesitance to conformation.

… 

hinata involves himself in separate ways.

for one, he draws the curtains shut tightly. he fiddles with the lock on the door ( _ click click click _ ). he sets out pajamas that neither of the ones on the bed are wearing, still donning hoodies and baggy jackets-- komaeda watches as he changes. the pants are looser on him, now, and he can guess  _ why  _ but that isn’t an assumption he wants to make. he debates asking for komaeda’s clothes because, while he is tall, he is built like a tree stripped of timber and only left with a single branch and sap, thin and wispy roots reaching out to lull you, to convince you to drink the saccharine sweetness. hinata isn’t sure if it’s meant to be deceiving. komaeda isn’t sure either.

a forest does what it can to survive.

by the end of the process, hinata is tired. 

but he cannot sleep.

and from the bed, komaeda speaks an echo, “we can’t do this for much longer.”

hinata sits beside him-- a bridge away from collapse-- allows komaeda’s head to fall into his lap like the downfalls of holly and he shivers, or maybe they both do, or maybe it is cold despite the way he had drawn the curtains to keep the frigid wind  _ out.  _ it’s summer, and yet neither of them feel this way, because hinata has only ever existed as the cusp of spring that he desperately wants to believe is sunshine, and nanami has always been the refreshing end of winter with the false promise of bloom, and komaeda has always been fading autumn for the simple reason of decay. despite the seasons and how little they matter (hinata doesn’t care for the equinoxes), he curls into komaeda in the subtle ways he can while still remaining upright and alert  _ and he desperately wants to believe in sunshine, again _ .

komaeda had asked him, once, what he was scared of. hinata didn’t want to tell him that the hollow crackle of his bones every time they embrace leaves hinata with pangs of fear that cannot be rivalled; he wasn’t able to convey in loving words that he’s terrified when nanami falls asleep because if she never woke up, the world would sleep too. and he wanted to scream that he was having  _ dreams,  _ that he still  _ is  _ having dreams, where komaeda’s skeleton is picked clean with the company of vultures and nanami has faded into a patch of honeysuckle, because if he told komaeda that he was having these  _ nightmares,  _ komaeda would just hold him tight and recite some lines mercutio said,

and hinata has never read romeo and juliet because he is too fearful of fate.

(komaeda has become enraptured in that concept, and hinata has heard the name of so many shakespearean characters that remind komaeda of him, and whenever nanami asks they usually come up with nothing because the thought of nanami dying is too painful and too far away to comprehend. 

and it’s strange how the two of them will kill themselves a thousand times over if it means that nothing touches her. hinata isn’t so sure that the two of them won’t kill themselves anyway.)

hinata doesn’t know, now, how to respond to komaeda’s comment. the white-haired man is smiling gently, but melancholy has been laid so deep that every smile feels like a dance of a thousand deaths that the two of them have to avoid, because hinata came to a realization long ago that he isn’t sure if nanami can really  _ die,  _ because she has always  _ been here  _ but she isn’t present in her body long enough for her to be able to leave. she isn’t a visitor, she is a captive, and death isn’t freedom.

(he’s been trying to tell komaeda this ever since they met, three winters ago.)

when hinata eventually replies, it’s with the weighted tongue of someone who is tasting the truth for the first time after centuries of lies, placing an object into a purse instead of stealing it, and it isn’t any  _ better  _ and it’s more  _ dangerous,  _ actually, and fucking  _ bitter,  _ but he isn’t sure what else he can say. and so, he tells the air that has fallen stagnant in the bedroom he so loathes, “i know.”

“nanami-san is wonderful,” komaeda continues the second that hinata takes a breath in, as if this is something he has prepared, and hinata wouldn’t be surprised because it’s rare that the two of them talk about something deeper than surface level on a whim. it isn’t that it doesn’t lie in their thoughts-- komaeda has never learned to skim-- but it’s this sense of obligation that once they fall into the endless space of misery, they can never escape. none of them can. “and you are wonderful too, hinata-kun, but there’s a disconnect. nanami-san can do better than the two of us. and the two of us… we’re too  _ alike _ .” his voice is light, but his eyes are sad. hinata leans down to kiss the eyelids, hoping that komaeda will shut them. he doesn’t. “i’m scared of destroying either of you. and something is wrong-- and maybe… maybe it’s just  _ me,  _ but i need to  _ fix it.  _ and i  _ can’t _ , and that’s killing me, hinata-kun.”

“a lot of things are killing you,” hinata mutters. his fists clench, relax, clench. 

komaeda laughs loudly, but nanami doesn’t stir. “right again, hinata-kun!” he chirps, as if hinata has ever been right in his entire life. 

“i know things are fucked,” hinata says, and it feels like a broken record constantly stuck on the track that played the first time the three of them were together because nothing was  _ playing  _ near that fountain, it was just silence and the rush of water and maybe the sound of a hand-held console booting up, but hinata keeps repeating and repeating that sound as if it’s all that he can muster because it  _ is  _ and he  _ hates the sound of silence-  _ “but give me some time, please. i can fix this.”

“you don’t need to do anything, hinata-kun,” komaeda murmurs, reaching up to lazily cup his cheek. “i can’t ask anything of you. and… and we have time.”

hinata shakes his head. “what if you die?”

“then our problem is solved.”

“me and chiaki alone? she wouldn’t agree. i’d never agree. and how the fuck would that fix anything?” hinata gets more fired up as he thinks about the idea, his fingertips numb as he turns into flame and komaeda has always been  _ fascinated  _ with flames while nanami couldn’t be bothered. “in case you’ve forgotten, i love you-”

“i love you too,” he replies smoothly.

“great! then why are you so fucking obsessed with this idea that you dying would fix anything?”

komaeda laughs a little again. “is this something i need to answer?”

“no!” hinata shouts with more aggression that he initially intended, but he’s  _ frustrated _ , and he reaches up to tug at his hair because he needs to tear at something, needs to yell at something, but there are three people in this room and two of them he would never hurt. he would never hurt them (unless, unless, unless). “i’m sorry, i’m just-”

“it’s okay, hinata-kun.” hinata doesn’t respond; he only quivers. komaeda’s smile twitches, but his voice is still soft and cheerful as he whispers, “it really is okay.”

hinata doesn’t believe it, but he adjusts himself to lie beside komaeda, taking him into his arms as the pale man still holds their girlfriend. he rests his temple against a bony, exposed shoulder and leaves butterfly kisses, as if that can mend every wound caused after all this time. he closes his eyes tight, leaves one last kiss, and he falls asleep immediately.

…

he wakes up from a nightmare at six am.

komaeda doesn’t rest at all.

nanami finally opens her eyes at four pm.

…

hinata cuddles with nanami as she plays skyrim. he winces at the skeletons, turns to look at komaeda, sitting on their front steps and staring at the grass. they call him inside later, for dinner, and nanami keeps the conversation light while hinata tries to not fixate on how little komaeda eats. and they play games again, except hinata reads a book and komaeda sticks around in the corners of the room where shadow and dust collects. and eventually, nanami cups hinata’s cheek and kisses him, asks him  _ what’s wrong _ , and he lies, says  _ nothing _ , and she just purses her lips, knowing better than to believe it,

and they sit there in silence as the weight on hinata’s shoulders grows, and he wants to sleep but the nightmares, they press his breath to skin like flowers, growing endlessly and  _ a garden does what it can to survive _ and-

… 

and the day continues on.

**Author's Note:**

> my only contribution to komahinanami week is a messy oneshot about complicated, not-very-good relationships. this is pretty in character of me, honestly.
> 
> anyway, the prompt was sleep. whenever i see the prompt 'sleep' for any ship week, my brain automatically does angst. because, like. what else?
> 
> i'm really sorry there wasn't a lot of nanami here i don't really. know how to write her? and i also probably butchered the characterization of these characters. this is, like, kind of a vent? maybe? it's something. i guess? 
> 
> anyway. that's all i've got. have a nice rest of your day/night :D


End file.
